Have you ever found yourself typing and deleting your social media bios repeatedly before you actually decide how to use that tiny space to describe who you are? This was me when Instagram first became a thing. At the time, I was trying to create a presence for myself on social media as an actress. Comedy has always been my thing, and I thought I could use the Internet to showcase my comedic timing. Besides, that’s what all my peers were doing so I thought, “why not?”
As I sat down at the breakfast counter of my overpriced apartment, (everything’s overpriced in L.A.) I stared at the blinking cursor in my Instagram bio section, trying to decide how I should describe myself. “Let me scroll through and read the bios of the people I follow,” I thought to myself.
I can’t tell you how many bios I scrolled through that had “God First” listed in them. If you read my “About” page, this was during the time I’d started questioning what I believed. Of course, looking back now I know God wasn’t first in my life, but I thought he was simply because I believed in Him.
I eventually came to learn that claiming God to be first in my life is way more than believing that He exists, and if I had put that in my bio, it wouldn’t have been true. God wasn’t first in my life. My career was, and don’t even get me started on my prayer life. I prayed here and there, but my prayers were self-centered, not God-centered. I wasn’t praying and asking God what it was He wanted me to do, or how He wanted to order my steps for the day. I was praying and telling God what I wanted to do, and expecting Him to make it happen. “God, I have an audition at 2:30, please let me book it,” or, “God, I am down to $5.00 in my bank account. Please help me get money for gas in order to get to my audition.” You get what i’m saying: self-centered.
What’s even more sad is the fact that I thought this was how it was supposed to go in terms of prayer, and having God in my life. After all, Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart,” right? Well, that’s not necessarily how it works. I was skipping over the “Delight yourself in the Lord” part. Heck, I didn’t even know what delighting myself in the Lord meant at the time. But slowly, as I started to learn what it meant, ( I learned by reading His word, spending time in prayer, journaling, and LISTENING for the Holy Spirit) those self-centered prayers started to change. My desires started to change. I desired to know more about God and who He is. I desired to know more about how He wanted me to live my life, instead of living life the way I wanted and expecting Him to co-sign my plans..
I shared this because I wanted to show how I went about my days and my life when God wasn’t first. It was all about walking out the plans I’d made for me, and doing what I needed to do to reach the goals I’d set for myself. But as I mentioned earlier, if someone asked me at the time was God first in my life, I would have said yes, because I thought having Him first simply meant believing He was real. Well, belief alone is not enough. As it says in James 2:19, “Even the demons believe and tremble!” They probably believe even more than us because most of them (aka, familiar spirits) have been around since the beginning of time. So it’s not just about belief. It’s about how we LIVE out that belief.
What does your daily relationship with God look like? Are you like I was? Waking up every morning with your mind focused on work or your to-do list? If so, and you feel like you lack the desire to put God first, it’s an easy fix. Pray for the desire. Most people don’t think to pray and ask God for the desire to know more about Him, but those are the very things He wants to give us! So try it. Pray for it, and see what happens.