The writing below is something that I wrote while spending time with God. I realized a long time ago that the most sincere part of my heart comes out during this time, when I’m spending time reading the Word and journaling, so I wanted to share it here. There are so many times over the past few years when I’ve wanted to post things that I wrote, but I didn’t because I didn’t think they were “polished” enough. It took me a while realize however, it’s not about my words being super polished. It’s not about me at all. It’s about sharing my heart for Jesus with others, in hopes that it will help them. So, here you go! This was written after I read Romans 3:9-18, but it’s verses 10,11, and 12 that really spoke to me.
Romans 3:10-12- There is none righteous no, not one. There is none who understands. There is none who seeks after God...
This passage makes me think about my own salvation and my own journey of faith. As a kid, I was baptized because my understanding was that without being baptized, I wouldn’t go to heaven, but I had no understanding of what it meant to be saved. Fast forward – It wasn’t until age 33 that I began to notice that something was truly missing, but I didn’t come to that conclusion on my own. We’re all made in the image of God, regardless of what we choose to believe, and being made in that image comes with, what the philosopher Kant called a “built-in moral law.” Without that built in law, we would all be completely depraved. Thank God we have the choice while we’re still alive, to choose morality over depravity.
When I felt that something was missing, I could have chosen to go the other way. I could have chosen to fill that void I had with things that made me feel good physically, which we all know is short-lived and temporary. I could have gone with something that made me believe in a self-serving spirituality that tells me I can have whatever I want as long as I “manifest” it, only to later turn around and beat myself up because I wasn’t strong enough mentally to manifest what I wanted.
OR, I could choose to understand and believe that we live in a fallen world, separated from our Creator, and the emptiness I felt was due to that separation. And while filling that emptiness with the Holy Spirit doesn’t guarantee me all of the worldly things I may have desired at the time, it gave me so much more. I now understand what Jesus said when He said “the kingdom of God is inside of you,” because NEVER have I possessed so much peace, confidence, clarity, re-assurance, optimism, and so much more. My patience and contentment could use some work, but they are way better than they used to be. My desire to please God over people is a GIFT! Going through this world, living to please God is a BLESSING and way more rewarding than living to please others. And here’s the beautiful thing of it: by living to please God, that pleases me also because my desires have changed (by no doing of my own, mind you. It is the complete work of the Holy Spirit. All I did was surrender).
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean I don’t have desires that are worldly. I still want to buy a beautiful home, and have a comfortable bank account! It also doesn’t mean that I don’t sometimes have desires that are sinful. It just means that now, I make choices that put God above these things. Therefore, I don’t desire worldly things to the point that they become my idol or to the point that I’m willing to do something that goes against God’s word/will to get them. And let me also be clear about sin: this also doesn’t mean that I live a completely sinless life. I’m human, still live in a fallen world, and from time to time, I do fall. The difference now is, I’m not okay with that and I desire to do things God’s way, not my own. My heart is truly sorrowful when I do the wrong thing. I don’t just say, “God, forgive me” without any kind of true desire to do and be better. And if I do, if I realize I’ve sinned and I’m not the least bit convicted by it, then I pray for God to change my heart because I know what His word says, and I trust His judgment over my own.
I hope you all were able to follow along with my writing and it was clear. If not, and if you have questions about what I wrote, or even if it was clear to you but you still have questions, feel free to leave it in the comments or email me. I love talking about this stuff 🙂